As I was home today, Jesus reminded me of a very special moment I had with Him. We are often talking as I know you are all doing the same with Jesus while I drive. I desire to love His children deeply and I know my inadequacies of heart and wondered how I could love His people MORE. Well, Jesus’ response to me came in the form of an encounter or two with Him.
TODAY, Jesus desired for me to share this specifically with you all. I can only assume it’s because someone needs to hear this today:
As I drove back home, me and Jesus rested in each other as we drove. It was so peaceful. I rested my head on the back of the seat and we just “were” together driving. It was precious.
We talked our way the entire time. Not a dull moment at all. We spoke of many things pertaining to schools of thought. By this, I mean in the way people have been taught by Him. Everyone is taught differently and I shared how difficult it was and is to lead His children who are very emotional (all because they have encountered Jesus and that has caused them to be HIGHLY emotional, which is normal). There was a LOT in this conversation and I will have to write about it tonight, but in response to all our talking and my questions, His answer at one point was a vision.
I felt as though I was with Him. Ha, I was with Him (all the while driving). We were sitting on a donkey together. Palm branches were being waved. At first I was serious. I sat there as the donkey led us and I was quite somber. I was made immediately aware that these same people would crucify me/Jesus. Us. But as we kept walking, I felt deep deep DEEP love for them and began to laugh and smile at their love, limited as it was. I accepted it wholeheartedly! I loved them and then became HIGHLY aware that they would be set free from the things they didn’t know bound them. Even greater joy came after this.
So after this long discussions with Jesus, it was all about, “HOW do I love them all and lead them in all of my own inadequacies?” Love who? EVERYONE. Those I do ministry with, those who come to our ministry and our church. More than anything I want to please Daddy not just “obey” as the Pharisees did. I want to pleaseHoly Spirit and Jesus…JESUS basically…and then again another vision came forth:
Again, I was sitting on a donkey but it was Jesus (on the donkey as I was within Him). I was overwhelmed driving (duh!!!..hey!!! ahahahha!). All my emotions were controlled by Jesus. It wasn’t like a trance where my emotions just “are.” I could FEEL what Jesus wanted me to feel and I was at the same time riding on that donkey with Jesus. At first, He and I were somber. Again, the reason was because He knew these same folks would hate Him several days later. I could feel these things. And ALL THE WHILE I am feeling these things, life goes on and we keep riding on that donkey with palm branches waving at us. I’m looking at everyone and it feels as though I have been there!!! I’m overwhelmed by what Jesus is showing me!!!
We continue riding the donkey and it was like the joy and excitement of the people and children began to take me out of that place of being serious and somber. Our emotions moved to joy as we looked into their eyes. Suddenly it was like the sun shone and I was able to enjoy their love for this moment, even though they would hate me (but Jesus) in days. It didn’t matter what they were doing to Jesus in that moment (as there is no time with God)…so for me (so hard to explain), the crucifixion was just as real in that moment with THOSE people as it was on crucifixion day. I hope this makes sense. But Jesus was happy (in a sense). You see, from taking IN their love to doing FOR THEM what they needed the MOST (crucifixion) was combined in the laughter. I don’t think this has ever happened to me before. Jesus’ joy TRULY was because they had NO IDEA WHAT WAS COMING. HE KNEW ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO WERE LOST AND TRULY HAD NO HOPE IN THEIR LIVES WERE THE REASON HE WOULD WILLINGLY LAY HIS LIFE DOWN FOR THEM. HE LOVED THEM *THAT MUCH* … THAT MUCH… So the answer?
The answer to my question on how to lead them, how to guide them was plain. It was simple. It was without question. Lay my life down for them. Lay my life down at the cost of everything in my life. My life (TOTALLY Jesus’ life in the vision) was an offering to them. And I choose to be an offering to these wee folks here too. I will love them so much where they are at in their journey with Him and I choose to lay myself down…THEY came first to Jesus…He saw the freedom that He would bring. He KNEW the curse of sin and death would end…He laughed!!! JESUS LAUGHED!!!
WE laughed at the “It Is Finished.” We knew the end was better for them all and this made us both VERY HAPPY.
WREEEECKED!!! I just simply don’t know what else to write. Are there better words for this??? Are there other ways to express my moments of being overwhelmed and wrecked to the point of “no-thought?” Ahahhahahha!!!!
I think of you my dear friends. You are sooooo not alone. You’re not alone. You are not alone. JESUS IS WITH YOU and HE WENT THROUGH WHAT YOU GO THROUGH….HE HOLDS YOU (He does!!!) and HE CAUSES YOU TO LIVE. Nobody holds you or causes you to live. Not you, not a center, not a spouse, not a friend. No, not anybody but JESUS ALONE. YOU are HIS and HIS ALONE…it’s precious…I LOVE IT!!!
So after this vision, I came out of it and just wanted to love on Jesus so much. I have so much love, adoration, admiration for no one but Him…HE TOPS THE CAKE!!! AHAHAHHA!!! He tops it!!! No one like Him…NO ONE EVER…the ONE my life is worth living for!
Most times, as is usual, I have this never-ending hunger and love-sickness for Jesus. I desire to be BACK on that donkey!!! I want to be BACK inside Jesus and take the heart and the hate of the world upon myself and let it go at Jesus’ feet…or being crucified…as I write I cry because I long to suffer (in a sense…and in a sense I do, but not like what Jesus experienced and sees). I long to suffer and BE LIKE JESUS….I long to live a life surrendered in EXACTLY the way HE DESIRES me to be. This happens when I experience such a holy moment with Him…It makes my heart desire what Paul spoke of, Peter experienced and what the apostles and disciples must have felt when their hearts would burn within them.
Everyone’s surrendered life looks different. Most people can’t accept that. They want everyone to look the same (but they teach differently). I WANT TO DIE FOR JESUS…EXACTLY THE WAY HE DESIRES FOR ME TO DIE…I’m not speaking of my physicality alone…I’m talking a deeper death than this physical death we will have. Something no one speaks of…
the TRUE DEATH and ALIVE IN JESUS CHRIST!!!
We ought toDESIRE DEATH…
We live a life surrendered, or at least we are supposed to live our life surrendered…
Another hard truth:
TRULY, offense is NOT surrendered. There are SO many offenses! So many claims to this and claims to that! Too much!!! It’s too much!!! Anything pure and lovely and holy gets slaughtered in this life and in this world…so what’s the answer??? You already know. It’s Jesus. Jesus is always and has always been our ONLY answer… I am surrounded in this world by God’s children and they love Jesus so much (speaking of THE church) but they are always so earthly minded. I don’t understand. I don’t understand how some people can have visions and encounters (this is truly me speaking honestly about the body of Christ I love so dearly). How can they be in a place of jealousy of new people or someone with authority from Jesus? How can they? I don’t understand.
Do you EVER wonder if people like me were supposed to be segregated and separated from society? Seriously now. I think of the beguines…the beghards…What was there life like? Was it in continual contact with Jesus like when I was riding the donkey??? THAT was REAL TO ME…MORE REAL than this life…..MORE REAL than MY LIFE…HE IS MORE REAL TO ME THAN ANYTHING ON THIS EARTH….MORETHAN ANYTHING AND ANYONE I KNOW….HE IS LIFE…
JESUS. HE IS LIFE….HE HE HE HE HE HE HE HE IS LIFE…the ONLY LIFE…and for that reason, I AM IN…I’M IN…SHARING AND NOT HIDING. I don’t want to EVER hide my light under a bushel EVER AGAIN…NEVER, NEVER, NEVER AGAIN….